There and Back Again, by MiscLegend.

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A tale of Phone & Train, There and Back Again.

I awoke on Thursday morning, my eyes heavy, I struggled to open my lids... my face itching from all the acne that has made a settlement on it, I scratch at it, my skin flaking as I did so, dead skin cells embedded in my nails. For this describes most of my awakenings, on any given day, but today was a special day.

As I sprung out of my bed, I walked to the bathroom. After I entered I caught a cheeky little glimpse of myself in the mirror, I squinted and pouted. My aesthetics surely are supreme, who dares deny it ? I brushed my teeth with the manual tooth brush that me, my Mother and my young Brother all share. Then mid-brush, the phone went, for at moments like this I wish we did not have a phone on the toilet, that way I'd have an excuse for not answering it. "for fucks sake" I thought to myself, who could be calling at 11:10am on a Thursday. I suffer from phone anxiety, it makes me nervous but alas I answered it, I'm a man now...it was fucking Hajeeb from Microsoft, he proceeds to tell me I have an Infected Internet and I need to give up my bank details for them to fix it for forty bucks. I called him out on it, I told him I'm from the internet I know all about his people and their ways I too know all about electronics, we had no such 'infected internet'. He raised the tone of his voice, as I clenched my voluminous glutes in fear. I promptly hung up on him, I was not in the mood for any such argument.

I went back to brushing when the phone rang again, the ringing...it drove me mad. I answered it...my fears were confirmed it was fucking Hajeeb again, he was rambling on in broken English. I wasn't listening to him the scrublord. I hung up once more. I exited the bathroom, thew on my wife beater and headed down stairs...sure enough the phone rang again. It was driving me mad, I let it pass, it rang for a minute or two before stopping. Then it rang again, Hajeeb, the bastard was planning on tormenting me all day. I grabbed my keys and exited the house, I had an idea, something to do to take my mind of the haranguing Hajeeb.



I headed to the local train station, it was bedlam. Amazons walked by left and right, I had came equipped with my trusty nike shox but they weren't very effective. These people were tall...Women walked by standing at heights up to an astounding 5'6, why are Women this tall ? They're bestial creatures. They brushed past me, their shoulders hammering into mine, their chins above my head, I was getting anxious, but out of the corner of my eye the unthinkable happened. A beautiful lady of average height (about 4'10 by my reckoning) looked at me. This was it the moment of truth. I made my move, I swam through the hordes of giants to make my way to her...as I  got in close, I felt my heart sink as she looked me in the eyes, I looked away to ease the tension. I asked her, "do-do you wanna' go to the woods with me ?". She walked away...she must not have heard me, it is busy after all, trains coming and going, people roaring with laughter a mere meter behind me.

I did not let this deter me I went on to approach a group of amazons, I calmly strutted over, titled my head in an alpha manner and uttered 'sup?'. Seconds past, they seemed like forever, the look on her face will forever be etched into my mind. It looked like she had seen a gerbil crawl up a badgers hole. She began to speak as my heart sank, would I be prepared for a possible rejection ? Would this be my saving grace or shall my inceldom endure ?

"Get the fuck outta' here pizza face". Her friends laughed, they walked away all in stitches, a giggling fit of untold magnitude. A tear streamed down my face, glistening over my red sores. I quickly walked on out of that hell. On towards home. About 10 minutes later I arrived...

My Mother was home, as I walked in she told me about our internet being broken and that she will be taking the 40 bucks out of my pocket allowance (that's about 6 months worth). I didn't have the heart to explain myself to her, she mistakenly thinks I broke the internet, when in truth we were about to have our bank cleaned by Hajeeb, the mumbai-squirting bastard. I trudged up to my room, defeated. I logged into PUAHate, my last refuge from this hell that I call my life. I told the user base all about my ordeal, they mocked me. I thought we were brothers in arms, kin. It seems these losers have no honor, they back stab their own. I logged out and cried myself to sleep. Today was hell but tomorrow will surely be better.


MiscLegend
 
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Mughal said:
You shall never know what to do when you get an infected internet, this is a pearl of wisdom brought to you by the legendary Misclegend. His word is gospel.

Your loss.
 
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I apologize to the soul of MiscLegend, for mocking his acne the Gods have struck me down with swift karma. I am pizza face reincarnate. I sincerely apologize, this thread was in poor taste.
 
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