Swallowing the red-pill has ruined my happiness

alien

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When I was a child and teenager up until I was 16, I used to be easily amused. I had unhappy moments in my life. But things like video games, TV, junk food and (in my teens) the internet helped me COPE.

After I got a girlfriend at 16, my interest in video games started to wane. Having a girlfriend, I felt "normal" for the first time in my life and felt like everything was right in the world finally. I was very blue-pilled. But of course that didn't last. And I became increasingly cynical. Was listening to Rage Against the Machine and Nirvana a lot in those days.

And yeah video games and what not provided fun from then until I was 27. But as time wore on, I had less and less fun playing video games and what not. And it became more and more difficult to COPE.

Now at 30, my dopamine receptors are completely shot or something. And I don't have the motivation to go on. My sister insisting that I go back to school to study this IT program I don't give a fuck about (just because I like computers doesn't mean I want to be an IT cuckel. I want to be self-employed or own my own IT firm and sell innovative social networking apps that will help sluts hook up with Chad and make games to help incels COPE) or else employers are going to start wondering wtf I have a large work history gap (4 1/2 months and growing) isn't helping. When you have little joy in life and you feel like you're just waiting for death and you don't feel the motivation to go on, why should I give a fuck what employers think about my resume at this point? I'm basically in the prime of my life right now anyway at best. Probably past my prime. Why would I want to waste anymore of my prime on STEMcelling and workcelling?

If I moved out and didn't take phone calls from my dad or sister (my sister calls my dad's home phone and he gives the phone to me so I can't escape my sister unless I start legit hanging up on her low-inhibition style. One time I got up and walked out of my basement and took my smartphone and eBook reader with me and locked myself in my room because she kept socializing me in-person), my family could just leave me alone. But then my expenses would also go up exponentially if I got a 1 bedroom apartment and had to pay for all my groceries.
 
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I feel the same way sometimes OP. I wish I could go back to being 14 again, playing videos games all day and not worrying about a single thing in my life. Much better times.
 

alien

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tygeruppercut said:
go for holidays and enjoy life if you have the money
I don't even have any desire to go on a vacation. I would be away from my family. That's the upside.

Maybe Tokyo would be interesting. But then I have to go through the whole process of getting my passport. And it's a pain in the ass. I have to get non-relatives to vouch for me and everything (to prove that I am who I say I am. Which is fucking retarded. I have a social security number, a health card, a credit card, driver's license, etc. Shouldn't that be enough to get a passport? lol Why is it so much harder to get a passport than to get a credit card, health care, a driver's license or a social security card in this country? I'm not a fucking terrorist) Up until 2008-2009 you could travel to the US and the Caribbean and what not without one. But thanks to 9/11, you absolutely need one now.
 

JustTheWayYouAre

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I've been living in misery since my puberty and it is getting worse every fucking year.
 
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i didn't read the treatise on your life, but that's exactly what redpill vs bluepill is.
bluepill is blissful ignorance; redpill is painful truth.

you seem like one of the coolest posters here, though. i agree, you should get a passport and reap the benefits of being white in asia.
 

alien

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TheNextLachowski said:
i didn't read the treatise on your life, but that's exactly what redpill vs bluepill is.
bluepill is blissful ignorance; redpill is painful truth.

you seem like one of the coolest posters here, though. i agree, you should get a passport and reap the benefits of being white in asia.
Even when I'm balls deep in tight ethnik pussy bareback, I'm still depressed. It's not due to a preference for white women at all. It's kinda like how past a certain age, you stop giving a fuck about Christmas morning and you wake up at noon instead of 6-7 AM. Even if I like a girl and appreciate our intimacy, if you're depressed, you're depressed.

This is why I find it very amusing how incels minimize Laci Green's depression. Laci Green could get deep-dicked by Chad bareback. But if her dopamine/serotonin receptors are all fucked up, that doesn't matter.
 

alien

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iNeedHair said:
Why don't you swallow more McFlurries then?
Diabetes pill. Type II Diabetes is a much more painful way to die than a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

Being Canadian, it's going to be a lot of effort/challenge to get a handgun or a shotgun though I'd imagine.

People with depression often don't even have the motivation/energy to carry out a suicide. But when they hop on anti-depressants, sometimes this actually gives them enough energy to do it.
 

iNeedHair

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alien said:
Diabetes pill. Type II Diabetes is a much more painful way to die than a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

Being Canadian, it's going to be a lot of effort/challenge to get a handgun or a shotgun though I'd imagine.

People with depression often don't even have the motivation/energy to carry out a suicide. But when they hop on anti-depressants, sometimes this actually gives them enough energy to do it.
I've been stuffing my face since I was 16 and I STILL don't have diabetes, though I did wake up one morning and didn't have control over the right side of my body, but still no diabetes. I'm also a Canadiancel.. maybe someday we'll meet at McDonalds.
 

alien

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iNeedHair said:
I've been stuffing my face since I was 16 and I STILL don't have diabetes, though I did wake up one morning and didn't have control over the right side of my body, but still no diabetes. I'm also a Canadiancel.. maybe someday we'll meet at McDonalds.
You're out west though, I'm in Toronto.

I hear that Alberta's economy got cuckolded hard by the oil price crash. Fucked up thing is that even though oil prices are at record lows world-wide, the price at the pump here in the GTA  is 115.9c/L.

We are getting DP'd at both ends. Oil industry workers get laid off and all the other workers who rely on servicing the oil industry get laid off. And the consumer is paying high prices at the pump. One of the refineries in Illinois is down. So that's why the price at the pump hiked. But at a worldwide level, oil is so cheap. Why the hell are we paying so much to gas our automobiles?
 

iNeedHair

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alien said:
You're out west though, I'm in Toronto.

I hear that Alberta's economy got cuckolded hard by the oil price crash. Fucked up thing is that even though oil prices are at record lows world-wide, the price at the pump here in the GTA  is 115.9c/L.

We are getting DP'd at both ends. Oil industry workers get laid off and all the other workers who rely on servicing the oil industry get laid off. And the consumer is paying high prices at the pump.
Hmm, I wasn't aware you knew were I was. I guess our breadsticks must have crossed paths before.

Yeap our economy is indeed shit right meow. Tons of people have been laid off up North. We have engineers who were once making well over 100k a year now working in gas stations. A lot of workers were from down east and they had to pack up their shit and head back home. The gravy train has come to an end. No more quick get rich schemes in Alberta.
 

purps drank

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Finding out that life isn't one big fairytale where you never have to work and can eat endless mcflurries is just a regular part of growing up you sad sack
 

alien

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iNeedHair said:
Hmm, I wasn't aware you knew were I was. I guess our breadsticks must have crossed paths before.

Yeap our economy is indeed shit right meow. Tons of people have been laid off up North. We have engineers who were once making well over 100k a year now working in gas stations. A lot of workers were from down east and they had to pack up their shit and head back home. The gravy train has come to an end. No more quick get rich schemes in Alberta.
If you were making $100k per year as an engineer, you're better off going on EI for 40 weeks and making $524/week than working at a gas station for less than that. That's basically what I'm doing now.

purps drank said:
Finding out that life isn't one big fairytale where you never have to work and can eat endless mcflurries is just a regular part of growing up you sad sack
Growing up is shit. What's in it for me? If life sucks, why continue on living?
 

iNeedHair

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alien said:
If you were making $100k per year as an engineer, you're better off going on EI for 40 weeks and making $524/week than working at a gas station for less than that. That's basically what I'm doing now
Ahh, Alienfranco. It's funny how I automatically remember your grapes the second you start talking about EI. I agree though, I would run lazy game too, but for the majority of guys that were working in the oil sands, that's not nearly enough money to survive off. You have to remember that a lot of the guys bought expensive houses and cars/trucks that they budgeted to be able pay off according to their annual salary so even if they do jump on EI, they're still really fucked.
 

alien

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iNeedHair said:
alien said:
If you were making $100k per year as an engineer, you're better off going on EI for 40 weeks and making $524/week than working at a gas station for less than that. That's basically what I'm doing now
Ahh, Alienfranco. It's funny how I automatically remember your grapes the second you start talking about EI. I agree though, I would run lazy game too, but for the majority of guys that were working in the oil sands, that's not nearly enough money to survive off. You have to remember that a lot of the guys bought expensive houses and cars/trucks that they budgeted to be able pay off according to their annual salary so even if they do jump on EI, they're still really fucked.
Working at a gas station pays better than $524/week in Alberta? $524/week EI is like earning $13.10 per hour, 40 hours/week for doing nothing.


Note that EI is the lesser of 55% of your average weekly earnings in the past 26 weeks or $524/week, so an engineer would get $524/week just like I did. But if you're a shitty wage-cel, you're going to get less. A $11/hr full-timer making $440/week would only get $242/week. Luckily the income tax on $242/week is small but you still have to pay 1.95% on EI and you pay 4.95% on CPP above $3000-$4000.

I used to work in Payroll so I know the tax system works and I know exactly how EI is calculated.

If I go back to workcelling, I want to get a job that pays $952.72+/week ($23.818/hr, 40 hrs/week) adjusted for inflation (since EI adjusts for inflation) so that I can continue to make max money off EI in the future when I lose my next job. But I don't think I'll be able to earn $25/hr ever again. lol. So I'll have to make due with less.

$13.10/hr is not as good as the $25/hr I used to earn. But I doubt I'll get $14+/hr in this shit economy. lol. I don't want to work in my old field unless they need me to do backroom administrative work that doesn't involve dealing with clients. But that usually doesn't pay that much. People with my skillset are being replaced by cheap HBOs. FOB Indians know how to work with Microsoft Excel and analyze data too. And they speak English. In the future, FOB Indians will be replaced by a computer. Pretty soon, hood rych's $75k salary is going to be replaced by a FOB Indian or a computer and he's going to be all like "alien was right" on here.
 

iNeedHair

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Yeah that's way too many numbers for me. Perhaps we can drop back down to my IQ level and discuss Mcflurrys?
 

D.R.

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alien said:
iNeedHair said:
Why don't you swallow more McFlurries then?
Diabetes pill. Type II Diabetes is a much more painful way to die than a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.
I can't eat McFlurries either, it's because I have fructose intolerance though, not diabetes (as far as I know).
 

alien

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iNeedHair said:
Yeah that's way too many numbers for me. Perhaps we can drop back down to my IQ level and discuss Mcflurrys?
See, even when I'm unemployed, I'm crunching out numbers in excel and shit. But why would Canadian employers even bother hiring me when they can just hire some Paki on Fiverr to do my job for  $1.67 US per hour? I saw some Pakis on Fiverr offering to do 3 hours of data entry for $5 USD. $15 US ($5/hr) if you need it within 48 hours. $25 ($8.33/hr) within 24-36 hours.

For me to even "match" the rate I'm getting paid from EI, I need more than $10 US per hour, 40 hours of work a week. The Paki is cheaper and he doesn't have to hire the Paki on full-time.

We need universal basic income now. Society doesn't need my autistic number sense/analytical mind when they can hire a Paki to do my work for less. Fuck this economy.

I also have dat autistic creativity. But being an indie writer (my primary passion) and indie app/game designer (my second passion) won't be able to pay the bills in a global economy. These markets are over-saturated and there is a race-to-the-bottom because there are tons of books, apps and games out in the market, not enough buyers. People would rather read shit like 50 Shades of Grey, play Call of Duty or give women money for being hot than compensate autistic creative visionaries such as myself.


When my EI runs out in January, I might start applying for basically any work that leaves me alone to my spreadsheets and doesn't require me to actually talk to people. Data entry clerk is beneath me (but I'd still apply, in hopes that a better opportunity comes by later). I would prefer to do more advanced shit in Excel. But analyst type work requires you to give presentations to executives and shit. I don't have the social skills to pull that off. AUTISM. If I could just be left to write reports, create graphs and charts and analyze data and get paid decently for this, that would be nice. But you could hire a fucking Indian/Paki to do the same job for $1.67/hr if you wanted to.
 
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