[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Summary: (this is a summary lol)[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Frame is a frame of reference, a perspective that people adopt. Alphaness is having a frame that others adopt themselves because it is compelling. Pain comes from the dissonance between your own frame and ones you have adopted from others.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]When you beat yourself up and call yourself a loser, whose voice is it?[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]When TRP talks about holding frame, and bringing women and men into your frame, a big part of that means bringing them into your frame of reference. It seats them in a place where they see the story through your eyes. An alpha worldview means it is a world in which you are the protagonist, and they are supporting characters. They are the love interest, the cheerleader, the sexpot, the whore, the resourceful woman, the funny sidekick, the wise advisor, but all relative to you. When they accept your frame, they begin to view themselves through how they perceive that you see them. She cares what you think, because you have given her the gift of your frame, which gives her a flattering view of her life. We spend more time with people who love us because it feels good to be seen through admiring eyes.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]What it means to have accepted someone elses' frame is to view yourself through how you imagine they see you. "Alphaness" is the ability to get others to automatically accept your frame - for them to care what you think of them because they believe your view of them. They believe you because you have demonstrated credibility, with evidence of your physicality, your confidence in what you say, and sometimes just taking the initiative by being the first to assert yourself and your frame.Social proof is just a way of pre-qualifying you as a source of authority and frame. It's useful, but not always necessary if you lift and carry yourself well. In an LTR, it is really easy to take on your woman's frame, because it's always there, and it can be so comforting to take the view you perceive from her, that you are worthy, lovable, good, committed, honorable, loyal, etc. This, of course, is the trap.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The myth of the Siren, beautiful women who would sing songs that would lure sailors to their deaths, is a persistent myth for good reason. When you succumb to the song of a siren, you become seduced by the view of yourself that you have perceived from her. The song lets you think you are brave, glorious, and strong, and when you finally yield to it, and leap into the sea to swim out to her, you drown.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]When you become seduced by the romantic siren songs and let your own frame slip - and succumb to hers - she lets you drown. What use could she have for a man who has adopted her frame? She knows it's unstable, vain, vindictive, and pretty much what she herself understands to be evil. To her, a man in the thrall of a woman is demonstrably weak and not worth breeding to. Women collect and trade those men the way men buy and sell whores. Fine for BB and cuckolding, but no AF for you.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The pain and anger you feel toward your ex-LTR's is the residual view of yourself that you have, which is still through her frame. When you adopted it, it was intoxicating, and like the siren song, it was the reason she let you drown. The siren song is the mythic origin of the shit test. The pain comes from the dissonance between your experience of yourself as a basically good person, and your view of yourself refracted through your perception of what your ex must have thought about you to have treated you so badly. e.g. a disposable commodity. Thing is, it's not her, and you aren't a piece of shit. This is just a reaction to having just adopted her frame and you haven't regained your own %100 yet.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]In psychology, there is a concept called a "double bind", which is, "an emotionally distressing dilemma in which an individual receives two or more conflicting messages, and one message negates the other. This creates a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other (and vice versa), so that the person will automatically be wrong regardless of response. The double bind occurs when the person cannot confront the inherent dilemma, and therefore can neither resolve it nor opt out of the situation."[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]When someone is damned if they do, damned if they don't, they freak the fuck out. Either by going berzerk, or turning it on themselves.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Your ego is caught in a recursive loop. It is saying to itself, "I am a piece of shit because the person I believed was the foremost authority on whether I am or not treated me like one, but they only think that because they are a piece of shit, which I don't believe because I loved them. What if I am a piece of shit and I don't even know it?" THIS. IS. INSANE.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]I have very good news for you: your double bind isn't real. When you wake up and wonder whether you are going to make it through the day without offing yourself, this is your emotional response to an imagined double bind. It is caused by the residual external frame from your ex- vs. your natural sense of self worth and love. e.g. the way you were before, and the way you will be again vs. what you imagine (and care) that they think of you. Monk mode fundamentally is about taking the time to re-establish your own frame.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The way to break out of this double bind is to recognize that you are viewing yourself in an external, necessarily false frame. The voice you hear calling you a loser is simulated from someone whose frame you have adopted, and that you have not let go. It feels giant and wedged so deeply it's practically a part of you when it's still in there. But when you dig it out, you will find it's like a sliver, a booger, or some shit in your teeth. Other people's frames, when you look at them for what they are, are empty, forgotten, and when you recognize them, you will find they are nothing at all.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Lesson to learn:[/font]
- Monk mode is fundamentally about re-establishing your own frame after adopting someone elses.
- The voice in your head talking you down is residual frame from someone in your life that you can just let go of.
- Alphaness has two parts: having a compelling frame that people adopt, and rooting your own so deeply that it is immovable, even by siren song.