Not only pretending to be a girl, but embodying one.

ItWontBeMe

Machine
Joined
Nov 16, 2015
Messages
6,846
Reputation
8
This is a long (and possibly incredibly strange/unrelate-able) read, but please bear with me.

All you videogamecels who are into MMORPGs have likely at one point or another pretended to be a female in order to get freebies from some unsuspecting cuck victim and whatnot; this worked way better over a decade ago, before people caught onto the whole "there are no girls on the internet" thing.

But that's one thing.

It's an entirely different thing to not only pretend to be a girl momentarily for manipulative purposes, but to embody one. To feel like one. And this is not some "I'm a transgender person!" thing, it's more of an experimental thing, or just being so disgusted and unfulfilled with your "real life self" (all the while being cognizant of gender disparities and the upper hand females have in every facet of life) that you want to go for a complete 180, change every aspect of yourself including your gender and test the waters for yourself as a female in an immersive semi-fantasy setting online. That was me as a teenager, from ages 13 to 19 (and for some time when I was 22 years old, not gonna lie), and as already alluded to, it went well-beyond choosing the skimpy "Dancer" class and moving your character's e-hips seductively to the rhythm of "Fortune's Kiss" as the beta knights gather around you in a circle and offer you Zeny (the name of the in-game currency). 

There was me being emotionally invested in relationships formed; there was trauma involved; heartbreaks; emotional scarring; peaks and troughs; getting showered with undivided attention from every which direction that you don't quite know what to do with it (as a female, should I play hard to get or just go along with his "flirting"? And then how do I get rid of him?[font=arial, sans-serif]—[/font] it was all so new to me!), staying up long summer nights chatting it up with multiple guys on MSN messenger; forming such a deep connection with one guy in particular (with whom we really did have mutual interests, he was almost a mirror of me) that he gave up on so many of his desires/goals in life to make time for his "ideal girl" (me). That's how far it went. 

In retrospect, I just don't know how I allowed all of this to spiral so out of control. What I do know is that the attention I got from these betas filled some void; but I always had to keep a certain (emotional) distance because many of them became so obsessed with me that I feared for their life the day I'd disappear for good.
 

666

chadrat
HQNP
Joined
Dec 11, 2015
Messages
21,904
Reputation
1,247
 

Stitches

Banned
Joined
Jun 10, 2016
Messages
2,771
Reputation
1
Honestly, while amusing I think it's it bit cruel to play with another's emotions like this.  I think if I were to troll a forum in some way I'd like to pretend I'm a secret agent, spy or Illuminati member or reincarnation of a Dictator.   Some BS like that.
 

inferiortool

Rotter
Joined
Jun 2, 2016
Messages
2,848
Reputation
2
What about posting a hot girl on reddit.com/r/amiugly and personally getting flattered by the compliments?




Been there before.
 
Joined
Jul 25, 2016
Messages
1,072
Reputation
1
inferiortool said:
What about posting a hot girl on reddit.com/r/amiugly and personally getting flattered by the compliments?




Been there before.

That's a relatively normal experiment. When you get to OP's level, it's very concerning. I've been there.
 

inferiortool

Rotter
Joined
Jun 2, 2016
Messages
2,848
Reputation
2
UnattractiveFailure said:
inferiortool said:
What about posting a hot girl on reddit.com/r/amiugly and personally getting flattered by the compliments?




Been there before.

That's a relatively normal experiment. When you get to OP's level, it's very concerning. I've been there.


That's normal o_O?

OP is a legend btw!
 

FuckThis

Rotter
Joined
Jul 5, 2015
Messages
3,881
Reputation
2
@Itwontbeme 

You are likely a girl,you wrote some things as well that allude to it ij other threads.  You also have a female imperative of being cute,hot,others aproaching you etc. It is like you expect these things
 

ItWontBeMe

Machine
Joined
Nov 16, 2015
Messages
6,846
Reputation
8
Stitches said:
Honestly, while amusing I think it's it bit cruel to play with another's emotions like this.  I think if I were to troll a forum in some way I'd like to pretend I'm a secret agent, spy or Illuminati member or reincarnation of a Dictator.   Some BS like that.
That's why I wanted them to know on an emotive level that these relationships would never burgeon into anything greater, so I kept a certain distance at all times, and planted seeds of doubt here and there. I was that quirky, "unattainable" girl gamer that might vanish at any given moment. But there was never any malicious intention involved. 

FuckThis said:
@Itwontbeme 

You are likely a girl,you wrote some things as well that allude to it ij other threads.  You also have a female imperative of being cute,hot,others aproaching you etc. It is like you expect these things
At some point I felt that way but I loathe the thought of being a female today, I want to masc-maxx as much as possible, it's almost as if I have to try twice as hard because I deprived myself of my masculinity during those formative years. I did that to myself and I still don't know exactly why; just vaguely. I wish I knew what led me to that point in the first place.
 

NoDadNotTonight

Regular
Joined
Sep 10, 2015
Messages
2,063
Reputation
3
whats your yahoo username im gonna add you so i can see your questions and post in them

:giggle:
 

Stitches

Banned
Joined
Jun 10, 2016
Messages
2,771
Reputation
1
The sheer creative evil genius of the OP will go down in history I tell you!
 
Top