• Stop coping, and start posting. Register an account in order to gain full access to Lookism's features.

I'm a complete mentalcel. My brain is my own worst enemy

alien

Machine
Rotters
Joined
Jun 29, 2015
Messages
6,482
Reputation
2,607
I don't even have the courage to swipe on a single girl. I have these internal thoughts that tell me that every girl is going to think I'm a loser and boring.

I decided to look at my old text messages with my ex-girlfriend @Yogapants during our honeymoon period. She used to be so happy. I miss the way I made her feel. She kept talking about how hot the sex was, my big cock, how I pounded her so good, how she really enjoyed it when we would cuddle, how she couldn't stop thinking about me. How I was giving her more sex and cuddling than her two previous boyfriends. My sex drive was crazy (and my sex drive is still very high. I'm getting morning wood practically every day and I jack off often).

I am such a low self-esteem wreck to have secluded myself in this fucking basement for 3+ years. LDAR for this long has made my anxiety issues worse. I might listen to my sister and go see a therapist. I'm not sure yet.

I get all these hot women showing up in my batches repeatedly. So they must have swiped right on my recent pics. But I say to myself that they would think I'm a loser and boring. And then I default to inaction.

I'm so mentally fucked in the head. I can't believe I banged a girl off PSL. She saw how fucked in the head I was and ran towards me, not away from me. And of course my ex had BPD. Crazy attracts crazy.

It's not all about looks or even penis size for that matter. Those are the only reasons why I stopped being incel like 7 years ago (and I could have lost my virginity like way before then if I wasn't a huge mentalcel. I couldn't get it up at 18 with a girl). My mental health issues have made it hard for me to hold down a relationship and it has fucked me over in like every aspect of life.

I used to have redpill rage. Now I just feel depression and suicidal ideation. My life is a repeating groundhog day. I'm just killing time until it is time to visit Gandy.

I don't care that I tagged my ex. I'm not going to bother trying to pretend like I have any pride left. That shits broken.

Even if a hot scary bitch from these apps went to bed with me right now, I wouldn't be able to get it up. lol. I can get just about any Stacy escort in Toronto I want and I have erectile issues. I could legit fly @bbcwhore to me. But I'm a total mentalcel. I need to feel comfortable with a woman in order to perform, like I was with my ex. Because I saw that she didn't run away from me.

I have autism, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, maybe even BPD and schizophrenia. I'm completely fucked.
 

sin

UNZOGGABLE
Staff member
Admin
Joined
Jan 1, 2019
Messages
37,429
Reputation
25,423
no such thing as mental cel. it doesnt exist. if u looked good enough, u would be normal brain. do u understand?!
 

alien

Machine
Rotters
Joined
Jun 29, 2015
Messages
6,482
Reputation
2,607
ManWhoreofBabylon said:
you said you were gay
get your ass rammed and you will be relieved
No, I'm lonely. I want a gf
 

alien

Machine
Rotters
Joined
Jun 29, 2015
Messages
6,482
Reputation
2,607
aspiringmewer49 said:
legit its over when youre not nt
being NT is everything.
If you're not NT, you absolutely need looks and penis size. Only reason why I'm not incel (or at least not a virgin. I might be incel at my age. It's hard for me to imagine that any woman would want a 34 year old NEET autistic mentally ill boring loser like me.)

Reading my old text messages with Yogapants did bring some joy to me though. I at least lived. I have to imagine that I am going to Chester Bennington myself by the time I'm like 50 or something.
 

MVP

SERE
Escortcels
Joined
Jul 19, 2015
Messages
48,816
Reputation
30,252
i stand in my own way
 
Top