I just had the most bi-curious shroom trip with my friend. I saw his bi side and now he's in denial about it. Just wondering what happens now?
This is a fallow up to my other post "Is my straight best friend that I'm attracted to actually bi and into me?" We both did magic mushrooms together and while under the influence he got pretty bi-curious. We both did. But he also got real caught up in conflicting feelings. He didn't want to feel gay. Nothing happened but it so easily could of. After we sobered up he got in denial about it and pretending how nothing happened on his end. I think he knows I like his dick. Now I know at times he feels the same way but his in denial. Just want to share the story and hear your thoughts.
Our bi-curious mushroom trip:
I'll use fake names to make this easier. Let's call my friend that I'm attracted to Joe and my other friend Tom. In my original post I talked about Joe telling someone how he thought I was gay. That was Tom that he told.
So we were planing on doing magic mushrooms for a little while and decided to do it on the weekend. Tom and Joe arrived. Joe texting me "we're here fuck boy" when I walk out he looks at me puts his tongue through his fingers moving it around like hes eating out pussy (you know the gesture I'm talking about). While in the car Joe tells Tom that I'm not gay. "He's not gay, He still want's a girlfriend even if he does want my dick". Brought up something about how I might be bi moments later. I didn't say shit. It was still striking me that this was happening. We arrive at Joes place the three of us have the house to ourselves all is good.
Joe makes us food we eat and take the shrooms. Just chilling as usual waiting for the effects to kick in. Joe was talking about something with the notifications on his phone and wanted me text him to see something. His last message to me was the "fuck boy" thing so I replied with "you wish". All 3 of us sitting on the couch crammed when the mushrooms start to kick in. It gave us this feeling of being sleepy and wanting to cuddle. Tom wasn't on shrooms be and Joe are. I asked for a sweater because I'm cold and he joking laughs "want to cuddle".
The night goes on and well I ate a fuck ton of food while taking those mushrooms. If you know about shrooms you know that's a bad idea. At this point about 2 hours have passed since we took. The end result: projectile vomit. All over the floor. My two friends saw this. I puked a little more in the washroom. They go out for a cigarette. I noticed a puked all over my pants so I take off my pants and start walking around in my boxers. Tom and Joe come in looking at me thinking wtf? I tell Tom I puked on my pants so that's what I took them off. I ask Joe "got any sweat pants or something I can wear". He's asking him self wtf is happening. He starts smiling. I ask "got pants I can have" "no, just keep them off". I start laughing with a smile. I ask him again "nah just take it off". He's straight up telling me he likes the idea of walking around in my boxers that he wants to see it. Tom overhearing this eventually thinks I've had enough of this shit and goes looks and gets me shorts to put on. I'm realizing that Joe is indeed bi-curious (I think bisexual is too strong a word for the two of us).
I remember some point they decided to go out and smoke again (I don't smoke). On the way out Joe just says to Tom "Is this really what we wanted this whole time on both ends" and Tom just looks at him "I don't know what the fuck your talking about but I'm going for a cigarette." Not sure what they talked about out there but it seemed to involve this. At least some of it.
Later on while me and Tom are tying to figure out how to clean my puke up Joe get's really confused. Walking in and out of bathroom. We wonder where he is. He's off in his room just contemplating. Sitting on his bed. I'm pretty sure he's off having sexual thoughts about me at this point. He's talking about how he's confused. The context was clearly in this man on man mentality. He's talking about how he's just off there sitting looking in his closet we all laugh given the context and how "in the closet" is associated with being gay. He's telling Tom how much he just wants to go to bed right now. Like this guy had the spontaneous desire to go to bed after seeing me without pants on. He knows I'm sleeping there. But he's so unsure and having conflicting feelings. "What happens if I go to bed, if everything going to be okay in the morning" and Tom just tells him "nothings going to happen. It's just balls. Nothing will happen you'll go off to bed in separate beds."
While all three of us are in the room and I'm sitting on the bed next to him in my boxers Joe has his phone out he's talking about taking a picture of me in my boxers and if he should or shouldn't. He talks about this a few times. Tom's saying "look don't take a picture or take it I don't give a fuck". Tom made a comment or two about how if me and Joe did something gay he wouldn't care. He's not one to judge. While Joe's off talking about taking a picture I comment "your gonna go off save it" "yeah of course". "Skype it, Snapchat it" "Sure" (read my other post for the context of the Skyping dick joke).
At one point Joe is just laying down on his bed turned looking at me in some sort of sexual position. He spent a good amount of time looking at me like he wanted to fuck. Next things I know while I'm off in the room with Joe on the bed next to me and Tom's off in the other part of the house Joe just strips down to his underwear and not like oh I'm just going to go to bed. But really urgent I want to be nude kind of strip (keeps his underwear on). He goes off lays in his bed. I decide to join him on his bed. Tom walks in "what the fuck". Joe is off hidden under the blanket back turned to me. He won't turn around to say bye to Tom. Tom commentating how fucked up this is while laughing. I grab Joe to turn him over. We're all off laughing.
Now Tom has left. I'm still laying on Joe's bed next to him. He's completely hidden under the covers back turned to me head under blanket. He's getting a lot more conflicted at this point. He's saying "Fuck you WellThisWent360" (my name). And says that several time but in a joking laughing manner. He starts talking about how he just wishes he could be fucking his ex girlfriend right now. That it would be so much easier if life was back to being simple. He says he'll punch me (referencing if I try anything). But doesn't mean it violently. I ask him if he wants me to get off his bed "Yes, No, I don't know". He can't make up his mind. I think he's at this point were he doesn't want to feel gay and recall him making some commentary about this. He seems to have this image in his head of if you like guys then you're gay and forgets about how being bi is a thing. He doesn't want to feel gay and admits this feels gay but that it's okay. A little time goes by I'm still on his bed the lights are off we're silent for a bit. I think he started jerking off. He was off moaning and breathing heavy. Like sex type sounds. The lights were off I didn't really look over. I wanted to give him some space but that went on for a little bit. I tell him about how this is getting awkward that I'm just off sitting here on his bed next to him and he's off moaning and shit. I realize he isn't ready for this. He's too confused. Has too many conflicting feelings and I'm too comfortable with this and coming on too strong and he still has feelings for his ex girlfriend. He's caught between me and her at this moment (or so my impression is).
I end of going to my own bed next to his. Eventually we start talking again. Both of us are in a kind of playful mood. Truth is I felt at this moment we both had the playfulness and body language of a few gays. He doesn't know what he wants. He's basically admitting to me to have an attraction while avoiding the word bi or gay. "He asks so what do we do now" and how "assholes are disgusting" and I agreed. Neither of us like the idea of anal sex with a man. At one point he mumbles something about sucking each others dick. Not sure if he's asking if that's what I want or saying that's what he wants. It's like he's saying that he wants to fuck me but without wanting to actually fuck me. That he has a sexual desire now but he's not sure what it is.
We spent the next half hour at least just laughing at shit. Laughing it all off. We felt comfortable with each other for a moment there. That we could both expose to the other that there is a bi-curious side to us. Again ever using those words though but still being honest in a way. He says "I feel like this happens a lot". He brings up a few things in Facebook chat's we've had in the past and about how it makes sense we're both a little gay. He while smiling says "I just want to die right now" "You just want to die right now?" as if he wants everything to be back to normal. He's smiling, "so you like my mojo" asks again so I say yeah. He keeps saying several times "you got this". He doesn't want to deal with this. He fears the aftermath. He says a few times how he needs to piss and mentions something about his dick and says "fuck it. I don't even care" then get's up although wearing underwear with his dick hanging out. I see it jut flung out while he walks to take a piss.
He comes back. Now we're both sobering up me. We start talking about other shit and that we got to clean up the puke and how we need to clean it up and that he was supposed to Skype his ex.
Now denial sets in
While I'm cleaning he starts Skyping the ex. She's worried about him something he texted her. Shes wondering if everything is okay and he explains it's something with the mushrooms and just "guy stuff". But seems troubled. She notices and eventually he says how I'm here and that I tried fucking him up the but. That I keep staring at him like I want to fuck him. Meanwhile he's in his underwear with his hands on his junk the whole time. Think he was rocking a semi for some period. I can hear his ex over the headset "So wait, he's trying to fuck you and you've had your hand on your dick for the past few hours getting off to the though?". She's realizing that he's saying some things with conflicting feelings but he keeps trying to turn it around into me being gay and not him "I don't fuck men". He says how his bed is destroyed not explain how. But basically that in his mind it's trashed. I went to bed now but I could still could hear him. I use my phone to message him to stop telling people I'm a fag. That I'm not and I don't you telling people that about you and having them think it. I don't want people thinking I'm gay. That I'm not off telling people how you're moaning and shit next to me and all the other gay shit you just did. I don't know where that convo with the ex went so much in respects to me but I know he talked about it quite a bit. He comes in the room after telling me don't worry about it. It's all okay I was just joking before.
We end up cleaning up. Then morning after we wake up go out to smoke and he asks for a recap of last night. I tell him what happened is that we're both about 10% gay for each other. He refutes it. I tell him about the moaning shit and he says it never happened. "If I was off moaning or something it was probably just because I was looking at my girlfriend on my phone thinking of fucking her". He's talking about why Tom left. I say tom left because things were getting gay as shit and he thought we were going to fuck. He refutes it. "Nah he just didn't want to clean". I decided to lay off it. He doesn't want to talk about it. Either he forgot or is in complete denial. After I leave and we're texting each other I mention something in the convo about "oh and don't worry when I come by next time I won't try and fuck you". He replies "Eww gross dude enough with the joke, sick". I say that's the last time I'll mention it and mention something about how he spent a bunch of time contemplating it. He refutes it saying that thinking about his sexuality was the last thing to cross his mind. I haven't seen Tom since. We're off being bros me an Joe. But still, this gets to me. I saw his bi-curious side I know it's real. Tom saw it but didn't think he'd do anything but he saw how it was troubling for Joe. That he was giving it serious thought at one point.. But now it's gone. I wont push him. I won't mention it. I don't know what Tom thinks of the two of us but he was sober and I'm sure he'd have a better recollection.
I'm just wondering. What do you guys think? I just feel bad. I feel like I fucked off and took it to far. I don't want people thinking I'm gay. I've never even had a girlfriend. I don't want Joe telling people this shit.