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i had scary moment earlier..


Oct 23, 2018
i tried bombing my hamsters with small firecrackers, i hesitated and first 3 bombs didnt blow up, then i had strong guilt feeling, something i havent experienced in long time, as if god is watching me and is giving me a chance with the first 2 defusals, but i continued, i throw another bomb, this made the mother hamster run to her little house and protect her children, so i threw another bomb in her house, and it teared it apart (surprisingly her body was intact) and threw her a few inches in the air, i went to touch her and she felt broken, yet she was still clinging on her puppy, as i touched it my finger got bloody and i realized what ive done, later i came back to my room feeling somewhat remorseful, went to lookism and the site was offline, another sign from god.

its all a test, and i keep failing it, jhanam will be hell for me.