It's too late. If my father showed up with a carte blanche (after winning the lottery or something) for as many surgeries, hookers and rotting as I want it would still be too late.
Nothing can make up for a lost youth. Not just emotionally. Fucked up incel youth => messed up mind/depression => worse at education, worse at job, emotional scars that can never heal
Having a sub 7 son and not doing EVERYTHING to cure him via hookers, surgeries, hormones, recreational drugs etc in his teens is murder, they killed the human being that could have been.
I remember my dad losing his shit and told my mo screaming "Did you fucking hear that????? Piece of shit wants sex at 17 at fucking 17 instead of learning and do something with his life. piece of shit."
He also said that I it is not necessary to have kids and he could castrate me when i told him my balls hurt.
WHen he said that I broke down completely. I did not show anything at the time. Just my mind broke. I was in such a shock that i did not know how to react. I was never the same person again. Never eve. And from that point my life has spiraled down to the point where I am no longer able to function normally now. I am definitively not able to support myself. I would die if I wanted to move.
I will never ever forgive those things. He made me feel a monster for having normal sex drive. My dad is also an incel in a db and he is very frustrated and I think if i would have sex he would lose his mind because he did not have it and most people who suffer feel good when other people suffer too.
However my dad is somehow trying to change now. After 4 years he told me to visit hookers..... but I was already emotionally destroyed, too high inhibition because of what he did to me as young boy. I do not know what to say. Sometimes I hate them very much sometimes I am trying to forgive them.