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getting so pisssed off at waiters and restaurant staff refusing to look at me

Dec 11, 2017
I'm on a vacation of sorts so I've been frequenting restaurants with just my parents. 

The servers refuse to look at or address me except for a few seconds where I actually order my food. During their obnoxious series of check-ins, they will ask how the food is without even glancing at me. When the meal is over they will bid farewell to my parents only. While leaving a nice restaurant yesterday, while dressed and groomed more competently than my father, I was totally ignored by the entirety of the hosting staff that observably behaved over-the-top with everybody else entering or leaving the restaurant (this was an extremely high end place), while they cheerfully wished my parents a good evening. In fact yesterday while out with just my mother, the waiter said, "Have a good day ma'am", as we left and once again wouldn't even glance in my direction. 

Explain to me how the FUCK I am supposed to develop a cool masculine sense of confidence and self-worth when NOBODY is even willing to look in my direction. 

These are the things that perpetuate my manchildhood and subsequent internal confusion at being treated like a severely deformed 10 yo boy while simultaneously possessing pronounced secondary sexual characteristics (deep voice, tall, facial hair, masculine facial ratios and bodyfat, etc).

And then on the off chance that someone is willing to address me, their face always gets struck with fear after seeing my own. Why the fuck am I scaring people??? Why do man women and child have that same look of shock and fear when they see me?

I can't actualize socially or sexually now I am forced to plug away at my autistic schoolwork like a reclusive scientist with the caveat that I am, naturally, also quite unintelligent !


Mar 6, 2018
you & me both

we weren't meant for this world

we are too pure!