Dissociating from oneself as a coping mechanism. I forgot what envy feels like.

ItWontBeMe

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Before I'd get triggered hardcore whenever I'd run into someone objectively better-looking than me out in public, and I'd use that feeling of excruciating inferiority I experienced in that exact moment as a motivation to looksmax. I could replay that scenario over and over again in my head for the entire year; it could serve as my motivation to get out of the bed and start gymcelling instead of LDARing, etc.

Now whenever I see someone extremely GL irl, I recognize on an intellectual level that I should be feeling something, but because I've learned to completely remove myself from myself (coping mechanism), it does absolutely nothing to me. It's like watching something pass through the television screen from an altogether neutral/external perspective that is not my own.

>>Note: This is about comparing yourself to MEMBERS OF THE SAME SEX. THEY'RE YOUR PRIMARY COMPETITION.
 

coldfish

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me too. i no longer feel nervous talking to women but gone with it is the desire to impress and form a connection with them. i just rate each with a number in my head then move on
 

Namek

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coldfish said:
me too. i no longer feel nervous talking to women but gone with it is the desire to impress and form a connection with them. i just rate each with a number in my head then move on
this is tmrl.
 

ItWontBeMe

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coldfish said:
me too. i no longer feel nervous talking to women but gone with it is the desire to impress and form a connection with them. i just rate each with a number in my head then move on
But does what I describe happen when you run into a MAN who looks better than you? I naturally compare myself to other men, because that's what I am; that's my competition. 

People who say "faggot" have no understanding of what this is about.
 

Namek

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I've had dissociation where I feel like I'm a third person spectator. It's crazy what coping can do.
 

OccamsRazorBurn

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ItWontBeMe said:
Before I'd get triggered hardcore whenever I'd run into someone objectively better-looking than me out in public, and I'd use that feeling of excruciating inferiority I experienced in that exact moment as a motivation to looksmax. I could replay that scenario over and over again in my head for the entire year; it could serve as my motivation to get out of the bed and start gymcelling instead of LDARing, etc.

Now whenever I see someone extremely GL irl, I recognize on an intellectual level that I should be feeling something, but because I've learned to completely remove myself from myself (coping mechanism), it does absolutely nothing to me. It's like watching something pass through the television screen from an altogether neutral/external perspective that is not my own.
Not extreme enough to count as full blown DPDR, but in the same neck of the psychological woods.
[hr]
Namek said:
I've had dissociation where I feel like I'm a third person spectator. It's crazy what coping can do.

I experience this very frequently (much better than it used to be). It's akin to being an observer of- rather than a participant in- life. I recall many of my memories from 3rd person point of view, rather than 1st person. You basically view yourself as an NPC in your own life. Detachment can be helpful at times, but it's a double-edged sword.
 

OccamsRazorBurn

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mrz said:
I always feel mildly dissociated tbh, not sure if it is because I'm aspie or because I've taken enough dissociatives over the past 12 years to supply an entire hospital :p.

I have heard that ketamine does this to some people.
 
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